everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
