We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
