So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When did angry sex become our thing?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
