So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I currently don't understand fingers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
