It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
