I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
