In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
