just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My life is pants optional.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize