pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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