Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am naked and annoyed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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