I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
two words...techno handjob
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.