were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went