STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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You were supposed to behave this weekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?