Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
