mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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