4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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