First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
