He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
