Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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