what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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