I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
