Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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