I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I want her autograph on my taint
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
