the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
