don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize