so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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