I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
