Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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