It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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