VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
