So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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