i don't like sucking hair
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
