okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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