I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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