Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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