watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
