UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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