we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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