why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
