Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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