Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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