They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
