summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
