So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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