There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
