He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
