I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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