i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
