DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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