Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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