I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
