Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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