You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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