I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
