SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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