Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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