I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
