After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
