You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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