i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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