i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't think brook has ever known best
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
