Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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