You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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