Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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