I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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