She said her name was "party"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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