we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
