**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
