If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
