I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
