New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
