The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
