Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
